Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme
TV's leading hosts used the evening ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," portraying it as a obvious pay-to-play system for the wealthy.
The Late Show's Sarcastic Analysis
Starting his program, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday jingle about the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."
Colbert's target was the controversial plan which enables international nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of one million dollars, or "premium" version for five million. The program's website promises processing "with unprecedented speed."
"One thought here to wealthy foreigners: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He noted that the program is also meant to "squeeze cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.
"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."
"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary
On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."
"It's a card that will let wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Perhaps it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."
"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll ratings during economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he said.
This week, in a effort to address cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of food items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.
"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."
"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"
Meyers finished by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.